Mary Sues and the Counter Attack
by asa-chan
Summary: What did I do now, to ruffle his feathers' Roy thought, as he watched as a scowling Ed threw himself on one of the black leather couches. Yaoi, MS bashing


**Mary Sues and the Counter Attack**

A Fullmetal Alchemist Fanfiction 

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_By asa-chan_

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**Note**: This may sound like a rip-off of Lord Elrond's FF, but please believe me, this isn't so... My fic was just inspired by the FF. 

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**Warnings**: Spoilers, PG-15, hints of Shonen Ai, MS bashing, bad humour 

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**Pairing**: Slight Roy/Ed 

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**Disclaimer**: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist 

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**-One-Shot-**

Someone knocked rapidly at the door of Roy Mustang's office. He looked up, not expecting the sight of a harsh breathing Edward Elric stalking in his office, looking quite murderous. 

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_'What did I do now, to ruffle his feathers?'_ Roy thought, as he watched as a scowling Ed threw himself on one of the black leather couches. 

Mustang rose one eyebrow gracefully and laced his gloved hands together, a smirk set firmly on his face, mentally wondering what drastic thing had happened to set off Fullmetal like this. 

The boy was red, of anger, embarrassment or either, Roy didn't know, his pupils were dilated and his unique golden eyes had a somewhat desperate expression in them. Which was pretty uncommon to see, because most times he was angry (because of Roy's presence), serious (he had never seen a boy this age so serious and adult-like), smug (the kid had a good self-esteem) or sulking (again because of Roy's presence and teasing). Mustang had only seen Edward in such a state after he (Ed) found out, that that girl, Nina, had been killed. 

Mustang didn't want to think about what happened three years ago. Didn't want to remember those vulnerable, golden eyes, wide because of grief and guilt... It reminded of his own guilt and sins and Ed also didn't need another guilt-trip to think about, what had happened with his mother was more than enough. 

Anway, Roy was still watching the now glowering boy. 

"Fullmetal, what are you doing here? You have currently no mission, so why are you in my office and not running 

around, looking for the Philosopher's Stone?" The Colonel asked evenly, amusement seeping through his voice. 

Edward was silent for a long moment, before answering in an accusing tone, full of barely surpressed rage. 

"Taisa, did you know about a raving lunatic in this city, who has very developed stalker tendencies and chose not to tell me about this and let me suffer?!" Edward demanded, glaring furiously through his lashes, gritting his teeth together. 

"A lunatic?" Roy replied and stroked his chin. "Let me think..." He said and grinned to himself as Ed twitched. 

'_Hmm, of course in East City are hundreds of mad people, who want to get into Fullmetal's pants, but real criminals, who are listened as stalkers with violent natures? Hmm, still too much here...'_

"Maybe you know the stalker's name?" 

Edward sighed and put his head in his hands, slowly closing his eyes in exhaustion. 

"Her (Roy raised both his eyebrows) name was Annabelle Serenity Kayla Nikita Stunning Beautiful Very Pretty Sheranayugaqua Alexandra Hopkins. Don't ask what type of name Sheranayugaqua is. I've no idea." 

"... I see. What an...., uh interesting name." Personally, Roy had never heard of such a longwinded and weird name, but oh well. So she wasn't a listened criminal. _'But she should be , because her name is illegal.'_ Roy thought, smirking to himself. 

"And what did that girl do?" 

"Well, I walked past her and this somehow shocked her, because in the next moment she was on my back, glomping me like there was no tomorrow. She started babbling about her past and how we were destinied to be together and bla bla bla. She was practically glued to me!! With her high and terrible annoying voice she told me about her, I quote: Hellish, terrible, heart-breaking, dramatic, angst-filled past. 

She was born in a small snowy village, everybody had loved her, she had nice parents, but somehow was also a homunculus." Ed paused and Roy's eyebrows arched higher in disbelief. 

"But her parents and the whole village were killed by the military, but she survived and tried human transmutation to bring her parents back. She didn't succeed, but also didn't lose any body parts. She took the National Alchemist Qualification Exam with nine years and passed, yet I've never heard of her. She was named the Goddess Alchemist and 

uses shadows as weapons, which isn't alchemy at all, because were is the equivalent trade? 

Now she is travelling around and helps people. 

I tried to tell her that I wasn't interested in her sob story, but she ignored me and simply chattered on. It was hell, yes...." Edward said tonelessy, face pale, remembering the horror event. 

"And the most weird fact about her were her hair and eyes! Her eyes were silver, but then changed to amthyst but then went blood-red! Her hair was straight but also wavy! After telling me her past, she scooted closer and closer and I snapped at her: Lady, ever heard of personal space?! but she just laughed it off and her eyes glazed over, a predatory gleam in them. She started fluttering her lashes like crazy, it was scary! 

Then she put a hand on her chest and fainted, falling towards me. I side-stepped (Roy couldn't help, but grin after hearing that) of course and she snarled at me, but in the next moment she was calm again, saying she forgave me. I went: Huh? But she just smiled. She must be bonkers!" 

Edward stopped his tirade and breathed in deeply, obviously very disturbed of what had happened. Roy in the meantime had stood up and was leaning against his desk, arms crossed. 

"Then she lunged at me and I thought she was going to attack me, so I kicked her with my automail leg." _'Ouch! That had to hurt!'_ Roy thought, wincing. 

"She didn't expect that and went down in a heap. I seized the chance and retreated." "That means, you ran like hell, with your tail between your legs." Mustang remarked. 

Edward twitched again, but nodded warily. 

"So, I uhhh, as I said, tactically retreated and went to your office." 

Roy smirked and slowly walked in the direction Ed was, uncrossing his arms, his black eyes half-closed. 

"I'm flattered Fullmetal. You came here because you were scared and sought protection in my office?" 

Edward blushed bright red. "I wasn't scared! I was---!" He protested, looking anywhere, but Mustang. 

Roy was now in front of Edward, hands behind his back, eyes playful. 

The blonde gulped. 

"There is nothing to be ashamed about. You see, this insane creature you sadly had to encounter is even worser than a homunculus and Scar combined. The being is called Mary Sue and the creator of Mary Sues are usually authors, who are... disillusioned. You said she even touched you? That is bad, you're already infected." Roy mumbled, stroking Ed's red cheeks with his right hand, eyes smoldering. 

He watched, bemused as Edward's eyes went wide. "Mary Sues? They are that bad? How, how can I counter their disease?" The blonde asked anxiously. 

"It's quite easy...." Answered Mustang and smirked lazily. "Tell me!" Demanded Edward, glaring. 

"Okay, but before you start complaining, you asked for it." 

"Wha---?" Edward started to say, but was cut off as Roy kissed him. "Mhhmmmmpfff!" 

After a minute, Roy leaned back and looked at a flushed Edward Elric, who was touching his swollen lips with his left hand. Roy tried to hide his nervousness, but his hands were still clenched into fists. 

"...That was the medicine..., Taisa?" Edward quietly asked, eyes downcast. 

Mustang nodded. 

"...I think... I need more. I still feel infected and light-headed." 

Roy chuckled, relieved. "Then I will administrate more...of the medicine." He replied and pressed their lips together again, this time more forcefully. 

And somewhere in the FMA world, a MS cried. And somewhere else, a Yaoi author cheered. 

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**-End-**

Most of the characteristics of the MS were true...., I did read a fic where a MS had wavy and straight hair. 

Review? 


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